the Guitar

This weekend, I cried.

Tears for my friend who lost her mom.  Tears of gratitude for a host of beautiful, talented friends who shine with God’s Spirit; and all of us throwing a big bash in our friend’s honor.

Then, I got the call.  A sweet lady that I have never met named Judy on the other end saying, “hey, we are on 1-40 and I’ve got your dad’s guitar, where do you wanna meet?”

This isn’t just any guitar.  This is the guitar that laid across my knees as I sat in my daddy’s lap while his fingers gently strummed melodies that I translated as complete adoration for me.  I don’t remember my life with my dad without this guitar.  Seems ironic that my dad played the piano for a living, but yet his guitar encompasses our closeness.

“How about the Memorial exit?” I said.

Sitting in the car, waiting, I thought about how many years it has been since my dad passed away.  I thought about how young he was to be battling cancer and how courageous he fought it.

He wasn’t my hero until it was too late to tell him.  Every little girl wants to be the apple of their daddy’s eye.  In that respect, I was like every little girl; but unfortunately, I didn’t see that his world had always revolved around me until I moved out of his world.  That is one of the ugly truths about divorce; sometimes, the children move away.

Judy steps out of the car, happy and hyper.  I loved her instantly.  She hands me the guitar in its case.  I smile and politely say thank you and get back in my car.  I cried the whole way home.  Some tears just ran down with no explanation, just a heart overflowing.

After sharing my latest prize-possession with my family, I busted out the ol’ video camcorder and promptly played a video of dad playing the guitar to Eden.  She sat curiously in my lap watching her granddad play a tune and reaching for the strings.  She was all of nine months old.

So, I have given you where I have been with this guitar and where I was as I got it, but now…let me tell you where I am going.  I am going to learn to play this dearly beloved guitar so that I can someday put Eden’s kiddos in my lap and play them a memory.

2012

This year I am vowing not to sit down and spend countless hours creating spreadsheets charting a year of resolutions pertaining to personal growth, spiritual growth and a play-by-play of how to change the world.

I am learning what is important now.

Laying in bed with my daughter, both snuggled up with books we cannot put down.

Dancing when I hear a great song and engaging whomever is with  me to do the same.

Griping finger for finger the hand of the man I love.

You know, I could never put all the car rides with Eden after school listening to her day in a spreadsheet, yet – wouldn’t that fall under at least one of the 12 areas of focus?  Sure it would, but why spreadsheet it when I can just live it.

If you’ve had the privilege of changing diapers, building sand castles, swinging a child for hours, holding sticky fingers, dressing a moving target, reading the same bedtime story over a thousand times…or have ever heard, “I love you!”  Then you don’t need to be making resolutions, you need to be keeping a gratitude journal.

2012 nights are going to conclude with a thank you prayer.  I will be thanking God for all the moments of the day and asking Him to direct the next if He so desires to give it to me.