Why ask why???

First of all, thanks friends who have emailed me concerned that I was having my own mid-life crisis.  I cannot tell you how much I appreciate the concern and the openness in our relationships.  That is valuable and treasured.
My voice of calling out trends or experiences has always come from an awareness of those around me and those I have heard about.  I cannot remember a time that I was not aware of the emotional state of the people around me.  I attribute that to a childhood riddled with a diversity of adults and children.  I was not raised in a box, nor was I sheltered from adult struggles, so naturally I still interpret behavior from a child's view of questioning - not uncommon for me to think, "why?" 
Today, I am questioning why I never gave running a fighting chance until now?  Seriously, I ran out the backdoor the other morning because I was experiencing a kind of stress I wasn't accustomed to in my thirties - so I just put on my hubby's mp3 player and jetted down the golf course.  It was fabulous.  I didn't even suck on my inhaler.
Now, I am running every other day and loving it.  I have never experienced such a feeling of relief.  It feels like when you have someone remove a big to-do on your list - you know - relief. 
Oh, and the shoes, buy good shoes if you are going to run.  It is the difference between sleeping on someone's couch verses having a luxury mattress.  I am not joking.
So, why now?  I have no idea.  On this one I will probably need to just look forward and not try and examine my apathetic past....
Why ask why?
Because that's what people like me do.  We ask, we write, we verbalize and then we clearly move on...









 

The Female Mid-Life Crisis

I have always had a heart for women, most likely because I am one and I have been raised primarily around women.  Years of studying the heart of a woman has happened naturally.  Sisterhood has been one of my most valued treasures.
My sisters and I are struggling.  The only term I know to place on this struggle would be a mid-life crisis, but unlike men it does not drive us to purchase cars or value opinions of the opposite sex.  This crisis causes us to timidly curl up in our shell and pray for brighter days to come.  We are more apt to believe our sadness is our own fault.  If we were better at keeping our schedules straight for our families, if we were more prompt with the laundry or creating those "special moments" that we believe are our responsibilities...then - oh, then this dark cloud would go away.
Ladies, it won't.  I have been there.  It hasn't and doesn't.  You will never do everything right.  Your story with you as the main character will always be a disappointment.  You will never reach a climactic peak where you are the heroine because you folded the towels on time.  And for those of you like me with performance issues - you will never hold a position from your performance that is worth more than your position as a child of God.
Do you want the remedy to the female mid-life crisis?
It is simple, yet complicated.  You must do exactly as Christ commanded you to do - die to self.  You must replace the main character in your life's story to Christ and Him alone.  He is the heroine in your story, He is the performer, He is the great lover - He is the main character.  You have been invited to be a character in the greatest story ever told, but you must quit writing your own story.

I must do the same.

Would you love me if I had nothing to give?

The more years I have under my belt, the more I am convinced that our agonizing climb up the ladder to Self-Actualization is really a descent, not a climb at all.
When we fearfully let go finger by finger we fall back to the most basic core of what we really want to know while we are here.  For me the painful question that has driven a lot of "work" in my life has been the question, "Would you love me if I had nothing to give?"
I don't remember a clear yes from anyone specifically until I met the Lord during one of the most tragic storms of my own life.  A storm that left me rocking on my bedroom floor with a bottle of Sprite in my hand, just hoping to get a drink with my shaky hands.  Yes, it was that rough, but remember I am incredibly stubborn.
I had a hold of a rung and refused to let go until my hands got too sweaty to hold on.
I would love to say the fall is a one time event, but it hasn't been for me.  I find myself grabbing again trying to climb my way to peace and love and perfection only to find another event reminds me to let go.  Each time I get better at letting go sooner, but I still think...just maybe I can grab the top rung.
But this time might just be the last.  I see how this painful question going unanswered for so long has left me with drivers that push and shove their way into my relationships, how I spend my days and how I feel about who I am as a person. 
So, this time as I let go I am yelling, "Would anyone love me if I had nothing to give?"
And hearing an emphatic, "YES!" from the One who built me cell by cell, personality to emotion...
I've arrived.

Humbled

Humility is an interesting thing.  Some believe that you must experience hardships to have humility.  That can be true.  I have definitely experienced that type of humility.  That kind of humility gets you some great dinner party conversation.  A good friend and I were laughing at all the horrid cars we'd had to step out of in our lives.  Some that would shout your arrival with squeaky brakes or wretched mufflers.  Oh, hardship that has grown funny.
But sometimes humility comes in the form of having so much more than you've ever asked or imagined and having someone acknowledge that.
God has been so good and gracious to me.  My hopes and dreams have all come true.  Bending the ear of His Majesty was at the very top, down to living out my passion....it is all there...all more than I ever asked or imagined.  Gratitude, in the purest form.
I know that I am the girl from the other side of the spiritual tracks.  Where I have come from and where I am today has never been a secret, especially since I am a transparent blogger.
So when I received an email from Terry Rush stating that he deemed me one of God's most valuable players and wrote about me in his new book, I sat humbled.  Humbled that my life is worth even mentioning and even more humbled at the fact that I have lived a life of "I cannot" which has started almost every prayer I have ever had.  Humbled that the other part of that phrase is, "but I have met the One who can."  And most humbled that He did.
I have been given a lot of wonderful compliments, and yes, I do appreciate them, but my very favorite compliment is "humble."  I truly believe it is man's greatest attribute.  http://www.christianchronicle.org/blog/2010/07/terry-rush-aims-to-bring-out-the-mvp-in-readers/